#108

“感谢你我的遇见，能够写下不一样的情节。”
一年半以前，我写下了这么一句歌词
我挺喜欢整首歌的味道的，但是反应不如我想象中的好
自那一次以后，我也变的不那么爱写歌
所以能够偶尔回想起自己写过的歌词，我觉得挺幸福的。
这几天，我的世界不停地在变着，
一开始的茫然，让我无奈
似乎再也无法回到以前那种能让我依偎的避风港
但其实你知道吗，这世界上真的好多事说来就来的
一个邂逅，真的不需要那么复杂。

“erm，就想问你们需不需要一个钢琴师”
这一个小小的谎言，没想过竟然就是带着自己进入不一样未来的钥匙
第一次的练习，手心都是汗，
在众人围着的情况下，弹错一个键，
那种感觉只有三个字可以形容，“很想死”
就依旧的心惊胆跳着，但是也仔细地聆听着……
这一切的一切，仿佛回到了从前，那段追逐音乐的日子
不知不觉，我开始有了每天都得陪着他们的理由，
即使只是坐在那里，静静地等待着，都似乎成了一种享受。
我感谢自己，更感谢你们

战战兢兢地期盼着能够融入你们，也战战兢兢地把自己当成外人，
我一直都很害怕，很害怕自己只不过是一个外援，
所以，也做了以前的我不可能作出的决定——加入合唱团
慢慢的，我开始期盼着大家聚在一起的活动，
也开始自己想要对人好的一种方式，就似一种沉默的炫耀。
第一次做的蛋糕，有够力难吃的，
所以不允许有第二次的失败。
你们不知道，我有多么地希望自己能把最好的一面呈现给你们
但是又害怕，自己的积极，成了一种负累，
就这样纠结，也就这样抑郁。

昨晚是个很美丽的夜晚，但我期待着更多的明天，
我相信，我愿意为这新的家，付出更多

For those who can't read Chinese, I have prepared an English version. Please bear with my broken English. :)
It has been a long time for me to write in English, at least not like this kind of post. First of all, I just wish to let you know how important you are to me. Ever since the first day, I "join" the choir, I realize that I have totally changed. I started to be anticipating for another tomorrow, and I started to expect something special happened to me. Well, I have to admit that all these incidents started from a lie. "erm, I am just wandering whether the choir need a pianist or not?" This is like the key for me to enter a totally different world. You have no idea how nervous I was, when I participated in the first practice. My hands are full of sweat, and I felt really bad for every single note I ruined. I miss the days when I used to go to the band room, playing music with other people. I miss the days when I was willing to rely on someone else. iChoir is just like a hope after all this time. I just don't wanna miss out every single amazing moment with you guys. It's like I have another reason to be there with you guys every time even if I just sit at a corner, doing nothing. I was afraid that I am just an outsider, I scared that nobody treats me like one of you. And so, I started to do whatever I could, not to attract your attentions, but, make myself to be more like one of you. That was the first time for me to bake a cake. Well, the first one failed because of the ajinomoto, and that makes me worried. I just wish to show you the perfect side of me, but I scared that my aggression becomes a burden. Well, whatever it is, I just wish that iChoir will be a place where I can truly belong to, a home where I am noticed, and where i am not an outsider, but a family member. And after all this time, I am grateful for everything the iChoir gave me, happiness